Nejnovější vtipy. Úplně všechny

Vtipy o doktorech

85-ti letý muž byl požádán svým lékařem o provedení testu počtu spermií, jako součást jeho lékařských testů.
Doktor dal muži nádobku se slovy, "vezměte si tuhle nádobku a přineste jí zpět zítra se vzorkem spermatu."
Muž přijde druhý den k doktorovi s nádobkou stejně prázdnou, jako jí dostal.
Doktor se zeptal, co se stalo, že je nádobka prázdná.
Muž začal vysvětlovat...
"No, víte, pane doktore, to se stalo tak. Nejdřív jsem to zkusil s mou pravou rukou, ale nic. Pak jsem to zkusil s levou rukou a pořád nic. Tak jsem požádal mou ženu o pomoc. Zkoušela to pravou rukou, levou rukou a stejně nic. Zkusila to pusou - nejdřív se zubama, pak si zuby vyndala a pořád nic. Dokonce jsme zavolali Helenku, sousedku od vedle a ta to zkoušela taky. Nejdřív oběma rukama, pak podpažím a dokonce to zkusila zmáčknout mezi kolenama, ale pořád nic.
Doktor je v šoku. "Vy jste požádali o pomoc sousedku?"
"Jojo, nikdo z nás tu nádobku nemohl otevřít."
Dej vtipu lajk
známka: 2.14 (93 hlasů), detail vtipu, přidat komentář

Vtipy o škole

Kluk přijde ze školy a říká tatínkovi: "Mám pětku z matiky."
Táta se hned zeptá: "Proč?"
Kluk: "Učitel se mě zeptal ′Kolik je 2x3?′ a já odpověděl ′6′"
Táta: "Ale to je správně!"
Kluk: "Pak se mě zeptal ′Kolik je 3x2?′"
Táta: "Jakej je v tom do prdele rozdíl?"
Kluk: "Přesně to jsem řek!"
Dej vtipu lajk
známka: 2.34 (93 hlasů), detail vtipu, přidat komentář

Vtipy o zvířatech

Chlápek jednoho dne vyjde na zahrádku a zjistí, že má na stromě gorilu. Zavolá zvířecí záchranáře, aby gorilu chytili a odvezli. Dorazí specialista na odchyt zvířat a přiveze si tyč, čivavu, pouta na ruce a brokovnici.
"Teď dobře poslouchejte," říká chlápkovi, "já vylezu na ten strom s gorilou a šťouchnu do ní touhle tyčí, až gorila spadne na zem. Tahle trénovaná čivava hned půjde po jejích, eh, citlivých místech, a hned jak si ta gorila instinktivně překříží ruce před přirozením, aby se ochránila, tak ji nandáte ty pouta na ruce."
"Jasný, rozumím," odpoví chlápek. "Ale na co je ta brokovnice?"
"Kdybych spadnul z toho stromu první, před gorilou, okamžitě zastřel tu čivavu."
Dej vtipu lajk
známka: 2.49 (104 hlasů), detail vtipu, přidat komentář

 
 
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Celkem 7019 vtipů v naší databázi.